Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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