tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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