I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize