Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
