why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
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