Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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