i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I think my moral compass just broke
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
