loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
