I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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