why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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