you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
