watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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