Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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