It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
