Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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