Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
