I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
