it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize