The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
