Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
