my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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