She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
