I just made out with a guy for $7.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
