I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
