It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
