How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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