I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
