How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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