just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Randomize
