Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
