I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
