We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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