She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I need to calm my uterus...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
