he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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