No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
