it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
