True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
