A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
