If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
