Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
