She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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