So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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