I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize