If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
