remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
