i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
