worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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