That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
