So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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