I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize