I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
porn star boner night. come get it.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
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