omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
