worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
