I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
