You kept calling me your small dog last night.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
