I wish I could punch you in the face.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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