I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
