And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
