OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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