I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
