I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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