I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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