if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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