i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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