I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
