i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Randomize
