His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
