The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
