Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
