i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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