Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
