Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
