shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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