I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
