Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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