I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
